Happy Valentine's Day!
I hope your day starts off with a bang!
"Eggs love you."
“A mistle-toast to the holiday season.”
“Remember not to leave a fire burning in your fireplace this Christmas Eve, or else you might wake up to a Crisp Kringle.”
What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinselitis!
Rebel without a Claus.
My son painted six Easter eggs the colors of the infinity gems.
I told him he made an Egg-finity omelette.
What do you call an elf who runs away from Santa's Workshop? A rebel without a Claus!
Distill my beating heart.
“Dachshund Through the Snow.”
Gold riddance.
Sleigh, what?!
You must be glue because I am sticking with you.
Your shirt must be made out of husband material.
“What would you get if you ate the Christmas decorations? Tinselitis.”
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
St. Patrick’s Day makes me Spring to life.
How does Santa capture photos? With his North Pole-oroid.
Sip, sip, horray!
I’m a clover, not a fighter.
Are you a magnet? Because I find you very attractive.
We like to paddy.
How does an elf get to Santa's workshop? By icicle.
Why is Santa so jolly? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.
I loaf you.
What do you call someone who's obsessed with Christmas? Santa-mental.
What did the mountain say to the hill on Valentine's day?
You make my heart gush, I lava you.
I wood never leaf you.
You must be a geologist because you rock my world.
It ain’t over till it’s clover.
Why does Valentine's Day never work in Africa?
All the lion cheetahs.
I am fawn’d of you my deer.
I sulfur when you argon.
Be-leaf me, you look great in green.
What was Santa's best subject in school? Chemistree.
Your presents is requested.
What’s the opposite of Easter?
Wester
But wait—there’s myrrh.
As it snow happens.
We have great chemis-tree.
I've been thinking of U periodically.
Birch, please.
I won’t let you slip through my Butter Fingers.
"Don't worry, be hoppy."
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day!
You’re the queen of my heart.
I went to an Easter party as a Jesus cosplayer
I told them I was a crossplayer.
What did the arsonist do on Valentine's day?
He met his match.
Are you a defibrillator? Because you are sending shocks to my heart.
I asked the older woman at work what she is doing for Valentine’s Day and she said that she was taking her husband to the Cardiologist. The heart wants what the heart wants.
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