My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Medieval cures...
Were leeches on society
How did murderers hide the body in medieval times?
They start by dragon it.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Q: What did the young Pharaoh say when it got frightened?
A: Where's my mummy!!
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
The Romans used devastating wordplay against the Carthaginians, during the Punic Wars.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Why are Scandinavian women so hot?
The Vikings didn't bring back the ugly ones.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Go to BabaMail
