Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
One night, a Viking called Rudolph the red was looking out of his window when he suddenly said, "It's going to rain."
His wife asked, "How do you know?"
"Because Rudolph the red knows rain, dear."
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Where does a Viking keep their baby?
In the Norsery."
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What did Dead Viking say to Voluptuous Valkyrie?
Valhallo there.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
I General Lee do not find punny history jokes about the Civil War funny.
How did kids in Ancient Rome get their hair cut?
With little Caesar's.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
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