Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
The fattest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.
He acquired his size from too much pi.
What did the Egyptian boy say to the Egyptian girl?
Come behind the pyramid, I'll make you a mummy
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
What do you call a medieval dentist?
A plaque doctor.
Did you hear about the Viking who was reincarnated?
He was Bjorn again.
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
A lot of people don't like movies about mummies. I think they get a bad wrap.
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Me: Can I get XL shirts here?
Ancient Rome Shopkeeper: Are you sure you want that many shirts?
I heard the history teacher got into a fight with the math teacher
He did a real good number in him.
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
Go to BabaMail
