If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Why didn't ancient Romans reuse crosses after crucifixions?
To avoid cross contamination
What do you call a gathering of Arthur's Knights?
A Sir conference
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
Why did the little British boy become an Ancient Egyptian Historian?
Because he wanted his mummy to be proud him.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
The photographer mummy was done with his shoot. So he told his crew to wrap it up.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Why were people in the Medieval times so self absorbed?
Because they thought that they were the center of the universe.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
How did the dog learn to read the hieroglyphics? Because it was an egypt-chien.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
As soon as the ancient Egyptian kings come to know about the pyramid scheme, they stopped building monuments immediately.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
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