Why were the Vikings such good sailors?
You can lead a Norse to water but you can't make him sink.
What do you call a Roman with hair in his teeth?
Gladiator.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
In history class, the teacher taught said the Magna Carta was signed in 1215 and to write an essay on it. A student handed in his work with "The Magna Carta was signed in 1215" written 150 times.
The teacher asked the boy, "Why did you write this?" The boy replied, "Because you always say that history repeats itself!"
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
If I lived in medieval times, I'd be a tavern guard.
I've always been known for my Inn-Security.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Which cheese surrounds a medieval castle?
Moatzarella.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
A medieval lawyer lost his license and became instead an insult musician for taverns...
His stage name "Diss-Bard"
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
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