Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Medieval castles would have been great hangout spots in modern times because they had a great knight life!
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call 3 knights in a relationship?
Polyarmory
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
One of the historical figures to play music with has got to be the talented Mr. Ben-jam-in Franklin.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
What stories did Vikings tell their children?
Norsery Rhymes
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
Once upon a time, there was a king who loved traveling through tunnels. The people gave him the name: Alex-Under."
Dance music can be traced back to medieval times when a farmer dropped some heavy beets.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Q: Why was Cleopatra worried about getting home from school?
A: She didn't want her mummy to see her report card.
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What was the most common sandwich in Ancient Rome?
A Plebeian J
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Q: What did Ramesses II say when he walked into the public restroom?
A: What sphinx in here?
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
When Napoleon died in the explosion, he was blown-apart-e.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
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