What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Q: How did the Pharaoh get to school?
A: In Anubis.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
Why did the ancient Egyptians used to bury their Pharaohs in several layers of coffin? It was called multicasking.
I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.
Doesn't make much sense to me, considering it fell.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Who fixed people's backs in ancient Egypt?
Cairo practers.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Go to BabaMail
