Q: Why was the Pharaoh wet?
A: He was the reigning ruler.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
A teacher asks one of their pupils, "Can you describe Napoleon"s origin?"
The pupil replies, "Course I can." (Corsican)
The comedian said a joke from the 17th century, the crowd went historical.
It was quite dangerous for messengers back in the medieval era.
They often had to wear mail armor.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Henry VIII had breathing troubles - he had no heir!
How did architects earn a living in ancient Egypt?
Pyramid schemes
You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
What's an Ancient Egyptian favorite restaurant?
Pizza Tut!
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Although knights were considered protectors of the realm, they sometimes did get involved in the politics of their time. This was because the knights followed knight-wing politics.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Most of the knights of the round table of King Arthur were in their middle ages.
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
Go to BabaMail
