What do you call a weary Viking conqueror?
Bluetooth low energy
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Did you hear about the new Netflix series? The one about a couple of poor female artists living in 1600s Rome?
I think it's called Two Baroque Girls
In the dark ages, the knights had to attend a special type of school. It was the Knight School.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Where do Viking warrior scrabble champions go when they die?
Vowel-halla
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
How was the viking party?
Pretty Loki.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
Why did Henry VIII struggle to breathe?
He had no heir!
Hitler jokes are rude, Anne Frankly I don't care.
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
What did ancient Egyptian pharaohs sleep on?...
...Temple-pedic mattresses...
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
The only kind of Rock music that the Pilgrims were fond of was Plymouth Rock.
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
Why does a mummy enjoy celebrating Christmas? As it involves a lot of gifts and wrappings.
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