What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
The crosseyed history teacher
Could not control her pupils.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
Why wasn't the archaeologist interested in girls?
Because he only dated mummies.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
How did Ozymandias became the greatest Pharaoh of Egypt?
He rammed everything that he sees
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Vikings aren't afraid of death.
They know they'll be Bjorn again.
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
To get to the other tide.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The biggest irony in the world's history is that the Russian alphabet has no letters in lowercase. It is all Capitalization.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What did a viking said to the other after a dad joke?
Aesir what you did there.
What did the sign in the Egyptian funeral home say?
"Satisfaction guaranteed or double your mummy back"
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What did one Viking war paint say to the other?
Poly, you're a Thane.
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