Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
What did the Pharaoh tell the man who tried to sell him a pyramid? "Well, that's the last thing I need."
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
When one is Russian for industrialization, there is no time for Stalin.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Q: Why was young Tutankhamun home from school?
A: He caught a gold.
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
A man goes into a Chinese restaurant and sees people dressed like vikings
"Excuse me, ladies and gentleman. I am a well traveled man and the atmosphere of my excursions must be perfect. I must kindly ask you to leave."
A big, muscular man dressed in Viking armor walked up to the man and said
"Norway"
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Medieval Kings and Queens were carried by their soldiers and servants. I am not lying, they litter-ally carried that way!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What's a snake's favorite subject to study in school? Hisssstory.
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Why do Egyptians shave their heads?
To make them more pharaoh-dynamic
Q: Why are mummies such great spies?
A: They keep things under wraps
Why did Karl Marx dislike Earl Grey tea? Because all proper tea is theft.
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
What is a Viking's favorite music?
Ragnarock.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
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