Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
There were two knights who were fighting a long duel with each other. The fight ended when one of them chopped off the other's leg- guess the knight was defeeted.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
How did explorers hide their treasures in the medieval ages? By dragon them to a safe location.
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
Vikings weren't exactly the best at drinking contests.
They were quite MEADiocre.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
When were Medieval armies too tired to fight?
When they had a lot of sleepless knights!
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Okay, so, I *had* an offensive joke I wanted to tell about Ancient Rome
But I don't have the Gaul anymore...
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
What do you call a ruler of Egypt that hunts whales with a folding bed?
Futon Harpoon
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
Why don't they sell GPSs in Italy?
Because all the roads lead to Rome.
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
Q: How do mummies hide?
A: They use masking tape
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
What happened to the two gladiator olives?
They were pitted against each other
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
Who invented fractions?
Henry the 1/8th!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Medieval Kings and Queens were afraid of the rain in the middle ages because the rain would storm the castle.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
Go to BabaMail
