Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
Did you see that their is a Medieval play about menstruation?
It's a period piece
Julius Caesar: "Brutus, that's a very nice dagger, is it new?"
Brutus: "Thanks, and yes, they had a sale at Traitor Joe's."
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Where does a pharaoh use the bathroom?
A pee-ramid
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
2000 years ago, pop diva Lady Cleopatra had a smash hit: "Bad Romans."
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Why didn't the Romans have algebra?
Because X always equaled 10!
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
No one could measure their height in medieval kingdoms.
Only the Ruler could.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
How did brave Ancient Egyptians write?
With hero-glyphics.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Why was the medieval knight polishing his dress before going for the Queens's dinner party? Because he wanted to have a night in shining armor!
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
What type of weapon does a vegetable knight use?
A-spear-iguess
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
Did you know that back in medieval times, soldiers would sleep with lanterns next to them so they could see if something happened.
They were called "Knight Lights"
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
Not a lot of people know this about me, but I'm from ancient Egypt...
Those that do know call me a mummies boy.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
What do you call a Viking soldier's trusty steed?
A horse in the force of the Norse, of course.
What do you call a knight that jousts all the time
Sir Lance-alot
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
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