It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
Napoleon conquered too much lang because he had too little Toulouse.
Q: Why didn't the Pharaoh know where he was?
A: He skipped history class.
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
I killed all the knights in the Iron Keep, except one,
He was Allone
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
A student holds a gun to his English teacher. "Give me all your money or you're geography!"
"You mean history."
"Don't change the subject!"
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Vikings joke
Why do West Virginia residences love the Vikings?
They catch theilens from their cousins.
Astonishingly, the first comic strip known to man was created by King John of England. It was called the 'Manga-Carta'!
Why can't Vikings fans eat cereal? Because they choke before they ever reach the bowl.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What do you call a knight who is afraid to fight?
Sir Render
Which famous Roman suffered from hayfever?
Julius Sneezer.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What is the most popular console with the vikings?
The axe-box
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
My teacher told me in History class to do some light reading on the history of the light bulb.
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
In the medieval ages, chess was a very popular game among Kings and Queens. This was because they had castles in it!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
Julius Caesar
But Julius is too shy to talk to her
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