Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
In the old times, the medieval kings and queens would only visit the dentist just before their coronation. This is because they wanted their teeth crowned!
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why does Egypt not celebrate Father's Day?
Because they're so full of mummies
Who succeeded the Vikings?
The Z-kings
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Q: Which pretty actress was an ancient Egyptian favorite?
A: Pharaoh Fawcett
What is the name of the knight that spreads all the rumors and news of the court and the king amongst the people? Sir Culate.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Once upon a time, a knight hosted a live improvisational comedy show for everyone in town. It was known as 'Saturday Knight Live'.
What type of noodles did the ancient Egyptian kings loved to eat? Ramen.
Why does England always get attacked in the summer?
Because the Knights are shorter then.
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did the thirsty mummy do?
They put on a thirst aid bandage.
In medieval times, what were people who worked in banks known as? They were known as fortune-tellers!
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
What was the most popular dance move in the colonies in 1776?
Indepen-dance.
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
It's impossible to ruin the view of the Colisseum.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
What do you call a group of penniless Viking grave diggers?
The poor norsemen of the necropolis.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Which roman emperor was a mouse? Julius cheeser!
Archeologists discovered an ancient Egyptian tomb that was dedicated solely to women.
At least that's what they concluded as it was full of Mummys.
Q: How did the Pharaoh Hatshepsut know it was time to retire?
A: He saw the writing on the wall.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What's the difference between Hanukkah and dragons?
One is eight nights while the other ate knights
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
A knight asks a squire for the time
The squire says: it seems to be 3 pm
The knights shuts his visor and says: no, its knight time
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
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