Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
The medieval queen was unhappy when she saw that it was pouring outside. She sighed to herself, "This could be another reigny day."
What was the Vikings favorite song while invading England ?
Heathen flow by Pearl Jam
The mummy caught a really bad cold. He cannot stop coffin.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man
... as they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What punishment do legs get in the medieval era?
decapita-shin
How did they name those guys who wore shiny armor in medieval times?
They couldn't think of a name, so they decided to call it a knight.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
How does Moses make coffee?
Hebrews it.
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
Did you hear about the scary couple in prom this year? It was a mummy and his ghoul-friend.
What attracts knights in shining armor even more than damsels in distress?
Magnets
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
What's a mummy's favorite song?
Walk Like An Egyptian.
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
I wouldn't trust medieval executioners in today's world.
They are prepared to kill people, simply to get a head.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Who was the biggest prankster in George Washington's army?
Laugh-ayette!
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Whoever discovered calculus sounded a bit derivative.
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
I went to a dad-joke competition at Medieval Times last weekend..
They called it the Game of Groans.
I think I met a medieval water snake
But I can't tell if it actually happened or if it was a dream.
It was totally Sir Eel.
A Roman walks into a cafe and makes an "X" with his fingers.
He says, "Ten teas, please!"
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
If you need an Ark, I Noah guy.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.