You know, I really liked the rule of Nero.
Rome was pretty lit at the time.
Why did Julius Caesar buy crayons?
He wanted to Mark Antony.
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Last Christmas, I got my sister a build-it-yourself medieval fort. She wasn't very happy with it, but my mother reprimanded her by saying that it isn't the gift, but the fort that counts!
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
What do you call a Roman with a wet mustache and a smile?
Gladiator.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What did the gladiator say when he was surrounded by nearly 100 men?
IC
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
Which was the largest Gladiator of them all?
Gluteus Maximus
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
What Did The Gladiator Do With The Glory-Hole?
He put his spear in it.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
What did the old Egyptian get by staring at the river?
See-Nile!
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
If you go to Medieval Times and watch the jousts, there is a sir charge.
What do you call a knight who wants to overthrow the King?
Sir Plant.
Why was the king only a foot tall?
Because he was a ruler.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What would the pharaoh say after seeing the pyramid? He would name it mummy's home.
Which knight is the protector of foods?
Sir Anwrap
Where do southern Viking descendants go after death?
Y'allhalla.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Why didn't the mummy have any friends? Because he was too wrapped up in himself.
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
I went to an XXX Girls Show in Rome
There were just 30 girls...
Just landed in Rome, Italy. My pilot used to be a Franciscan Monk...
...But now he's an Air Friar.
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
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