Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
What do you call the gladiator who only tackles other gladiators?
Wrestle Crow.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
Why did Arthur have a round table?
So nobody could corner him!
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
When I asked my History teacher if he knew about Einstein's origin and history, he said, "I am relatively aware of it."
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
I can't remember how to write 1, 1000, 51, 6 or 500 in Roman numerals.
I M L I VI D
When my teacher asked me if I knew who built the ark in History class, I answered, "I have Noah idea!"
What did pharaohs use to wipe?
Poo-pyrus
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
What did King Arthur call his sneakiest knight?
Sir Valence.
What was that knight's name who would always go around and call other knights by their last names? Sir Name.
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
The one time of the day when knights are willing to work is during the knightshift.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why did the Archaeopteryx always catch the worm?
Because it was an early bird!
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
You do not want to know the history behind the railroad because it is so underground.
After having learned the history of chess, I have come to the conclusion that all chess players have quite a checkered past.
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
Q: What do you call a mummy who wins the lottery?
A: A lucky stiff
Q: What game show did pharaohs like the most?
A: The $20,000 pyramid.
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
Norwegian archeologists have uncovered the very first Viking parenting book.
The title, translated into modern language, is *It Takes a Pillage*.
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
I'm pretty sure all history teachers are necromancers
They only care about the dead.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
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