What does a Muslim Viking say at the movie theater?
Valhalla Snackbar!
Who does a dead pharaoh talk to?
His mummy.
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
The medieval king was very excited when the engineer told him that he could get him a castle at very little price. Turns out, the engineer indeed built a castle but it was a bouncy one.
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
In which battle did the soldiers form a queue outside a metal box?
The battle of Portaloo.
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
What did the king say when he heard that the peasants were revolting? He said he agrees because they never bathe and always stink.
Have you heard about the roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What was the favorite pass time of peasants from the medieval time period? They absolutely love to go serfing!
The colonized do not like British tea. They only want liber-tea.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
How do you use an ancient Egyptian doorbell?
Toot-and-come-in.
What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
Why did the pharaoh go to the dentist?
Egypt his tooth.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What is the name of the device that the king uses to control the moat around his castle? A remoat control.
Helvetica and Times New Roman walk into a bar. "GET OUT OF HERE!!!" The Bartender shouts we don't serve your type!
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
What do Egyptian Pharaoh's and sandwich filling have in common?
They're both in bread.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
Where does King Arthur throw his stupid knights?
In the Dumbgeon.
I think if Rome hadn't been built on a hill...
..it wouldn't have had such a fast decline.
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Q: What did the mummy say to the zombie?
A: Quit ragging me out!
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Unlike fairy tales, the stories of Egyptian mummies always goes from riches to rags.
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call an ancient Egyptian chef?
Gordon Ramses.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
Where does a Knights templar keep his valuables?
A deus vult
Why didn't the peasants attend the Egyptian king's open palace party?
The address was "2, Pharaoh Way"
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
When I wrote the history of cheese for our term paper in school, our History teacher said it was grate.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Go to BabaMail
