What is Julius Caesar's favorite food?
Roman noodles
What's a Vikings favourite dance?
The Loki cokey.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
Don't send our invitations to a viking themed wedding until the date is set in stone
Or they'll be runed
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
For the last two weeks my kids have been building a medieval blanket fort every evening to sleep in. Many nights they also stayed up past their bedtime playing fortnight under its protective cover.
It was a night knight fort for Fortnight for a fortnight.
When do mummies eat breakfast?
Once they catch you.
Do you think that the mummies enjoyed being the mummies? Of corpse they did!
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Why did the mammoth have a woolly coat?
Because he would have looked ridiculous in an anorak.
When the History teachers wanted to help out students who were failing the subject privately, they put up a poster on the school bulletin boards that said, "Need Tudoring?"
That boy narrated his-story really well.
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why did the medieval Indian go to the doctor?
He was feeling a bit Sikh
What kind of lights did Noah have on the ark? Floodlights.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
When does a medieval soldier sleep?
Knight time
I had a friend who got a Ph.D. in the history of Palindromes. He is now called Dr. Awkward.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
The mummy couldn't finish his Halloween candies. Because he was stuffed.
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Did you hear about the mummy who goes to university? His favorite subject is Cryptography.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
People argue that the Romans were wrong to crucify Jesus
Personally, I think they nailed it.
What do you call a stunt rider from the 1200's?
Medieval Knievel
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
Why did Julius Caesar never say thank you to anyone?
He didn't speak English.
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
Q: What do trains do at Egyptian train yard gates?
A: Toot-and-come-in.
What do you call a Korean knight who is looking for his lost belongings? He goes by the name Sir Ching!
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
When the love of his life finally left him, young Fidel cried out in despair, "I didn't think you would embar go my dear one."
Why was the medieval architect always going to the beaches? So that he could build the perfect sandcastle!
Why did the Vikings not have high doorknobs?
Because of Loki.
What do you call a Viking cat call?
Valholla
Was Henry VI a ViKing?
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
How does the mother call the pharaoh son to the table?
Tutan, come on.
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Hey, have you heard about....
A gladiator whose arms and legs been cut off in a fight? Well, I heard that he's been disarmed and defeated.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
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