What did the borg say to the medieval peasant?
Resistance if feudal
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
After the Palace of Versailles was completed, Louis XIV felt Baroque and roll.
Q: Why couldn't the Pharaoh sing?
A: He hurt his larSphinx
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Why did the Viking buy an old boat?
He couldn't a fjord a new one.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
Q: Why are ghosts scared of mummies?
A: They tear up the ghost's sheets
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
My brother was reading a book about a medieval castle that always had its drawbridge up. Unfortunately, he couldn't really get into the book!
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What is the name of that knight who is very fond of the sea and spends most of his time at sea beaches? We call him Sir Fer.
What do you call a depressed tick from ancient Rome?
A hopeless Roman Tick
People hated Ho Chi Minh because he was Hanoi-ing.
I read that in medieval times, if you lost your castle to invaders during a siege, it was incredibly unlikely that you'd get the well-fortified tower area back.
Guys back then were playing for keeps.
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
Who was King Arthur's alcoholic knight?
Sir Ohsis of the Liver
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
Santa hit a dragon and killed it whilst flying over medieval England...
... guess you could say he sleighed it
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
We were debating about Charles Darwin in class when the teacher warned us, "Don't let this evolve into an argument."
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Digging trenches during the middle ages was seen as a great honor because it showed someone's shovelry!
Wanna hear a joke about Vikings?
Never mind, there's Norway you'd laugh at it.
Why didn't the medieval farmers harvest flowers to make tea?
It would have been an exercise in feudal-lily-tea.
Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Vegetarians in the sixth century were called peasants.
My history teacher is a communist, so I made lots of references to the Soviet Union in my essay.
I got full marx.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
What do you call a medieval siege machine that throws flowers?
A trebouquet
Have you heard of the knight whose enemies were always lurking near him and following him? That knight went by the name of Sir Rounded.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
How did knights in the middle-ages get across a moat?
Moataboat
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
What happens when a Roman insults a Parisian's coffee?
A French Roast.
What does a gladiator say when leaving after an intimate embrace with a woman?
Gladiator out
History. History. Did I just rewrite history?
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
What should be the name of the knight who the King has appointed to carry a census of the land? He goes by the name Sir Vey.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
What do you call a drunk medieval poet?
Shakesbeer
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