What are the Vikings favorite drink?
Mini Sodas
Why did it take the Roman General 10 tries to find the buried treasure?
Because X marks the spot
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
What was Camelot famous for?
It's knight life.
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
How did Julius Caesar like his water?
Rome temperature.
De-coffin-ated coffee is the favourite coffee of the mummy.
Approximately how many Egyptians can be fitted inside a pyramid? A pharaoh mount.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
Did you hear about the medieval siege where the attackers ran out of ammunition? So, they loaded a severed peasant's head onto a trebuchet and fired it. By sheer luck, it hit the Duke's son and knocked him off the battlefield.
Yeah, apparently it was the first-ever serf face to heir missile.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Why do companies all around the world fear Vikings?
Because of their skills in hacking
What did the mummy order to eat when he went to a restaurant? A wrap.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
Who succeeded the first President of the United States?
The second one.
You should check out that Egyptian antiquities store.
They have a mummy-back guarantee!
Why did the Pilgrims sail to America?
It was too far to swim.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What did the Egyptian Pharaoh do when he got caught in traffic?
ANKH ANKH!!
Q: Why did the mummy walk out of his tomb after 1000 years?
A: He figured he was old enough to leave home
Getting a Roman soldier to stand next to an Irishman ...
... requires a lot of Gaul.
You know why I hate Julius Caesar jokes?
They always kill me.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
Q: What was the pharaoh's favorite football team?
A: The Mummy Dolphins
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Which underwear does King Tut wear?
Fruit of the tomb!
Two Pharaohs are looking for a Sarcophagus...
they walk up to the sarcophagus salesman and the first Pharaoh says "We are looking for the cheapest sarcophagus you have for sale." The salesman asks "you're not looking for a fancy one?"
The second Pharaoh says "no, we are just trying to get our mummy's worth."
A Roman Lifeguard on duty:
See Caesar, Beware the tides of March!
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
What's the difference between a Viking and that one Bond movie where he's in space?
One's *Moonraker*, the other's a rune maker.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
My Gladiator DVD stopped working...
Talk about an *epic* fail.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
What do you call a candle in armor?
A knight light
Have you ever been to a marketplace in Egypt?
It's quite bazaar
How did one become a medieval executioner?
You had to axe nicely.
What was Julius Caesar's answer when the flooring installer asked what he wanted to do with the old floor boards?
Carpet dem.
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
When medieval armies went off to war...
were they playing for keeps?
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Pirate ship Captain: Listen up, I need some help in writing 2 in Roman numerals.
Crew: I I captain.
Why are automatic doors like knights?
Because they're chivalrous!
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