Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
What is a Vikings favourite letter?
Well obviously it's the C!
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Old Norse cuisine is simply not to my Viking.
When the teacher got frustrated because the students weren't paying attention to the class about Isaac Newton, he exclaimed, "Don't you understand the gravity of this situation?"
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
What do you call a viking who is attracted to both genders?
Biking
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
The ancient Egyptian people knew how to prepare delicious jams. It was only because of their skill of preserving things.
A soldier in ancient Egypt is eating his ice cream and quitting on the army
A deserter having his dessert in the desert about to desert his post.
Why did the king order his new castle be built in the evening?
For the night knights!
Why didn't Cleopatra confess that she loved Julius Caesar?
Because she lived in the Nile
Mummies are very aware of investment security. Their favorite is Cryptocurrency.
Did the Vikings believe in reincarnation?
That's a re-Thorical question.
The First World War ended very quickly because they were Russian.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What do you call a Pharaoh who has road rage?
Tootin' car man.
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you yell at two mummies making out in public?
Get a tomb!
Julius Caesar's brother was the first historically known epileptic.
His name? Julius Seizure.
Why did Julius Caesar go to the dermatologist?
Because he had so many lesions.
Before America was founded, the idea of a democratic nation in the New World was unPresidented.
My least favorite teacher in the school is the History teacher. Whenever she takes a class on Ancient History, she tends to Babylon.
Who was the most flatulent Pharaoh in all of old Egypt?
King Tootsarecommon.
What did the bone mage use to rob medieval homes?
A skeleton key
What does the Statue of Liberty stand for?
Because it can't sit down!
Archeologists say that mummies are very hard to find. Because they're all kept under wraps.
While teaching about the Mongol Empire in History class, our teacher told us, "If anyone Khan, Genghis Khan."
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
Where do mummies go for a swim? To the Dead Sea.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What is the best job for a mummy during holidays? A gift wrapper.
My friends and I are starting a disco group.
We'll dress as a Viking, a Mongol, a Caribbean pirate, a Bedouin raider, and a Spanish conquistador.
We call ourselves: The Pillage People.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
What leads people to Rome?
The scents.
They want some aROMAtherapy.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
She grated it.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
The Vikings had an initiative tradition where a child had to participate in a raid to become a full man.
As they say, it takes a pillage to raise a child.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
Which one of King Arthur's knights named the Round Table?
Sir Cumference
The medieval ages were technologically advanced. Take, for example, the guillotine, it was such cutting-edge technology.
Why was the Egyptian kid confused?
His daddy was his mummy!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
I like my pasta the way I like my medieval Italian literature.
All Dante.
Did you hear about the viking cannibal?
He had a Swede-tooth.
When Lincoln had asked Republican Senator John if he would aid him in capturing Atlanta, he replied, "Sher-man!"
What did Sparticus do to the cannibal who ate his nagging wife?
Nothing, he's gladiator.
Knights have always used one type of lamp since medieval times. These lamps are now called Knight Lamps.
What do you call a mummy covered in chocolate and nuts? A Pharaoh Roche.
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