Why couldn't Vivaldi play medieval music?
Because his violin was Baroque
Q: What was the most important holiday in ancient Egypt?
A: Mummy's Day.
Why was Julius Caesar the first dictator of Rome?
He was the only one with the Gaul to try it.
In ancient Egypt, how did insects communicate?
Pharaoh moans
Q: What was Cleopatra's favorite type of flower?
A: Chrysantha-mummies.
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
Did you hear about the medieval kinghunter?
He excelled in throne weapons
Why did George Washington have sleeping problems? Because he is unable to lie.
The knight fell very sick over the weekend. He had a running temperature and was feeling very nauseous. The doctor called it the Saturday Knight Fever.
Ancient Rome
Two friends are talking:
- you know how many girls I had?
- mmm?
- No, not that many...
I saw this new movie about a mummy's new bandages. It was called The Emperor's New Cloths.
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
When Julius Ceasar got defeated by Brutus in 'Battleship,' he said, "A2 Brute?"
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Ancient Romans considered vomitoriums a good place to un-wine.
What did the Viking chieftain say when asked about his motivation?
"I'm in it for the longhall."
When Napoleon is indecisive, he is torn-apart-e.
I like my wine like I like my medieval cities.
Fortified.
History teachers are the worst gifters
They always think about the past, not the present.
What did one pyramid say to the other? Hey! Where's your mummy?
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles elbow.
What's the most important day in Egypt?
Mummy's Day.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
Q: What do you say when a pharaoh doesn't pay you?
A: Egypted me! (He jipped me)
What do the early European settlers in America have in common with ants?
They both lived in colonies!
How were CDs packaged in Ancient Egypt?
Sphinx wrapped
The Romans must have thought the year three thousand was going to be tasty.
MMM
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
What happened when Caesar's government officials could not reach consensus?
Irritable Brawls in Rome
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What do you call a detective from the Reformation?
Martin Sleuther.
What do you call Sir Lancelot when he is dancing and singing to his heart's content at a party? We call him Sir Dancelot.
Why was Cleopatra so in love with Egypt's ruler?
Pharaohmones
How do Vikings get each other's attention?
They ValHolla!
These days, knights love to watch movies, and their favorite genre is the horror and the action genre. Also, I am pretty sure that their favorite movie is 'Knight Of The Living Dead.'
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
What did Medieval postmen wear?
Chain mail.
How did Cleopatra feel when she learned she was queen of Egypt?
She was in denial
If Hamlet was alive now, he would have only worn t-shirts saying 2B or not 2B!
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
Lance is an uncommon name nowadays but in medieval times...
people were called Lance a lot.
I always knew that some knights had names that described their personality (like Lancelot the Brave), but I didn't realise nuns did that too until I became one...
I was Nun the Wiser.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
What do you call a Viking who's been bitten by a vampire?
Norseferatu.
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
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