Gordon Ramsey shouted at Queen Mary because she was burning everything.
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
Did you know the first weather report was delivered to Julius Caesar?
Hail Caesar
You're my romeboy.
If George Frederic Handel would be born in the modern era, his favorite song would be "Club Can't Even Handel Me."
Why did Alexander not like eating chicken legs? Because he hated defeat.
If Romeo and Juliet were tuna...
they would be Starkist lovers.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Have you heard the fast gladiator that was a tumor covered in dough?
He was a Roamin' Tumor Roll.
Q: What do you get when you cross a green mummy with a yellow mummy?
A: A golden moldy
Why did the Vikings sail to England in longboats?
It was too far to swim!
What was the most popular kids' movie in Ancient Greece?
Troy Story.
Why should you never mess with a Gladiator who knows his English literature?
First he'll bellowulf at you, then he'll shakespeare
It is no wonder that Thomas Jefferson was thus named, his father was after Jefferdad.
Where did Julius Caesar's fans sit at the Colosseum?
The Caesarean section.
Caesar accused Brutus of cannibalism. "Ate dudes, Brutus?"
What can you find in both medieval English castles and American art museums?
Norman Rock Wells.
When the Frenchman asked for a book on warfare on Battle of Waterloo from his librarian, she said, "You're just going to lose it."
Did you know there were vegetarians in Medieval Europe?
More often than not, they were called "peasants"
It might take a village to raise a child...
but it only takes a viking to raze a village.
If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
What do you call a musician who just saw Medusa?
A rockstar!
What was the Romans' greatest achievement?
Learning to speak Latin!
What bird regales you with stories of middle earth, knights, and allegory?
Bard owl.
A Viking walked into a bar.
The bartender asked, Why the long ship?
Did you know knights are known for wearing dishware?
Thats why they call it plate armor.
What did the Viking boss say to his band of misbehaving marauders?
It's either my way or Norway!
Where would you find Hadrian's Wall?
At the bottom of his garden!
If someone else would have invented the airplane, it wouldn't have been Wright.
How was the Roman Empire cut in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
What do you think is the name of the knight who unexpectedly turned up at the battle? His name is Sir Prize.
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
What do you call a knight in a cannibal village? Canned food.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh Khufu sent to jail?
A: He ran a pyramid scheme.
How does a Viking show the amount of raiding and pillaging that they do at the same time?
They use a Sven Diagram.
Dracula had to move out of his medieval castle for a couple of weeks because it was getting re-vamp-ed!
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
When the medieval sorcerer summoned a servant from the magical book, the Queen was astounded. This was a page right out of the book.
After which knight is a town in England named? Sir Rey!
What do you call someone who used to build airplanes in medieval times? Aerosmith!
What time is it Julius? 8:02 Brutus.
What do you call a happy aviator?
A gladiator
What do you call a Medieval spy?
Sir Veillance
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
What is fruity and burns?
The grape fire of London.
What would be one of the worst crimes to commit if you were a sheep living in the medieval times?
Muttiny
Q: What do you get when you cross an Egyptian pharaoh with a mechanic?
A: Toot and Car Man.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
My son asked me if we were related to any Egyptian Pharaohs.
I told him, unfortunately son we do not even have so much as a toot in common.
Who led the Australians into the promised land, through a semipermeable membrane?
Ozmoses.
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