What does vikings call english villages?
Chopping centers.
Q: When is a Pharaoh like a piece of wood?
A: When he's a ruler.
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
During the medieval time period, there weren't many extremely bad people. There were only mid-evil people during that age.
Why do medieval ghosts refuse to stop at McDonald's?
They prefer Wight Castle.
Why was Romeo melancholic?
Because Juliette Cantaloupe.
My history teacher was talking about mythical medieval creatures
Personally, I think the lecture was starting to drag on
Did you hear about the Pharaoh who was lying in the wrong coffin? He made a grave mistake.
Vincent Van Gogh met a knight during the latter part of his life, who inspired him to draw one of his most famous paintings - The Starry Knight.
Where do Vikings go when they get old?
The Norsing home.
During the cold war all the countries involved went into hibernation.
During the Great Depression, President Hoover didn't give a dam.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Why was the viking boxer loved so much
He ragna"rocked" the house
Of course Napolean did not design the coat that he was wearing but we all knew that he had his hand on it.
What was written on a knight's headstone?
Rust in peace.
What explorer was the best at Hide and Seek?
Marco Polo.
England is the wettest country because many monarchs reigned there for many years.
What do you call a little monster's parents?
Mummy and Deady.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
What did Caesar say to Cleopatra?
"Toga-ther, we can rule the world!"
Julius Caesar
Was a well dressed romaine.
Why was the roman soldier kicked out of the army? Because he was roamin around during war.
When I asked my Teacher in History class if she could tell us more about Napoleon's origin, she replied,"'Course I can!"
The sweetest and fruitiest historical wonder of the world is the Grape Wall of China.
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
What was the name of the knight who made the round table of Sir Arthur perfect? He was a knight called Sir Cle.
Where did the Viking buy his guitar?
Nordstrom's
How did Vikings send secret messages?
Norse code
Did you know they didn't have smart phones in ancient Rome?
They had tablets.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
When I gave the wrong answer about Austrian composers in class, my teacher said, "Are you Schubert that?"
A knight bursts into a blacksmith and yells "You smelt my armor!"
The blacksmith was calm and collected and replied: "Yes, and what a lovely scent it had."
What do you call a Medieval knight who's always sure of himself?
Sir Tainly.
What did Pharaoh say when the seventh plague struck his land?
"Aw *hail* naw!"
She broke up with me while we were swimming in Egypt
I'm still in de-Nile
My history textbook says that the pharoh of Egypt used slaves to build the pyramids.
Which is kind of weird considering he could've just used bricks or something.
Why was the knight fighting the tournament with a sword made from cheddar cheese? Because the cheese was extra sharp!
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What do Vikings call the people that cut their hair?
Barberians.
What kind of girl does a mummy take on a date?
Any old girl he can dig up!
Why were Native Americans in America first?
They had reservations.
What were middle-aged parents called in medieval times? Middle-aged parents.
What is a knight who has traveled all across the earth with a ship known as? He is known as Sir Cumnavigator.
Did you hear about the viking who hit his thumb with a hammer and bit his tongue?
It was Thor.
Which English royal family was the smartest?
The Tudors.
Who used to run pen & paper RPGs in 1st century BC Rome?
The Carpe DM
When the gladiators fought lions
it was always the mane event
What do you call a cow apart of the Knights of the Round Table?
Sir Loin
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