Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
At the bottom.
Why do mummies never go on vacations? Because they're afraid to unwind.
What happens to Egyptian girls who forget to take their pills?
They become mummies.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
I wonder why Lenin didn't realize that communism would fail to work. There were so many red flags everywhere.
I would say that life for the majority of people in the middle ages was rather peasant.
Why did the teacher use the evolution of Thor in viking mythology to teach both literature and Northern European history in her class?
She wanted to demonstrate using a Meta-Thor.
What does a mummy use when he needs to hide? Masking tape.
Who said that the pyramids are the tallest structure in Egypt? They are just between pyra-highs and pyra-lows.
Why were medieval people from Mexico such good engineers? This is because they learned in Aztech!
What do you tell the nobles of Scandinavia whenever you're leaving their house?
Viking.
How can you tell a sword is a knights favorite weapon?
He doesn't use a lance a lot.
The mummy was very sore from lying down for years. So he called a Cairo-practor.
To get to the other tide.
When many knights were being killed by guns and bombs, the medieval scientist discovered a weapon that would destroy all their enemies. It was known as the knightrogen bomb!
Why do vikings have barcodes on their ships?
Its so they can scan-de-navien
What do you call a Pharaoh who plays the trumpet? Tootin'khamun.
What do Alfred the Great and Ivan the Terrible have in common?
Their middle name.
A history student was so enamored with Ancient Rome that he decided to become a Roman himself. His friends weren't very supportive. They kept telling him to get with the times,
New Roman.
One of the funny puns uttered by Mark Twain is that denial is not just a river in Egypt.
A sperm donor, a carpenter, and julius ceaser walk into a bar
He came, he saw, he conquered
When the student had asked the History teacher what questions will be there for the History exam, she answered, "The Past."
Romeo & Juliet.doc...
...is a play on Word.
What is Romeo and Juliet's least favorite fruit?
Can't- elope!
My mummy friend is really tense lately. He always looks so wound up.
What do you call a viking cemetary?
A grey fjord.
The loveliest subject in schools History because it has so many dates.
This soldier, Titius, liked to kick a soccer ball around at night and was suspected of breaking some important statues. When his friends asked why he hadn't showed up for his platoon's morning workout, Terentius Vespa quipped,
"Oh, it's okay - he said he broke an arm."
King Arthur's Round Table was built by Sir Cumference.
What did the Medieval Gynecologist say to his patients?
At your cervix, m'lady
The castle and court of Camelot were famous for their knight-life.
What did the gangster say to Julius Cesar?
Why are 40 romans funny?
Because they are XD.
Nobody knows about Napoleon's brother because they were born-apart-e.
What do you call Ryan Gosling in a mummy costume? Ryan Gauzeling.
Q: Why was the Pharaoh boastful?
A: Because he Sphinx he's the best.
I wouldn't say I liked the documentary that I had watched on the history of WD-40. It was non-friction.
What do you call a Swedish cycling group?
Viking Biking
How do you communicate with the spirit of a Viking warrior?
With a Nor-Ouija board.
The paper my student wrote on Tsar Ivan was so bad, it was tearable.
Napoleon may not have designed the coat he wore, but he did have a hand in it.
King Arthur had a knight in charge of determining property boundaries.
Sir Veyor
When indoor toilets were introduced in Britain, it was considered to be a revo-loo-tionary move.
What do you call a knight who just wants to fight with an opponent on level grounds? He is called Sir Face!
What does it take to be good at making Greek pottery?
You have to urn it.
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
In ancient Egypt if you held a stinging insect you were thought to be very attractive
Because beauty is in the eye of the beeholder
Q: What did the Pharaoh do when he needed help moving his gold?
A: He hired-a-glyphics.
Catherine and Peter performed great in 'Dancing with the Tsar'last night. But Ivan was terrible.
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
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