What is a golfer’s favorite bird?
Any birdie will do.
Wife: I’m sick and tired of your obsession with golf!
Husband: Why, is it driving a wedge between us?
What’s the easiest shot in golf?
Your fourth putt.
Golfer: I’d move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course.
Caddie: Try heaven. You’ve already moved most of the earth.
What is a golfer’s favorite dance move?
The Bogey.
Where do ghosts play golf?
On a golf corpse.
When your putt lips out, what disease do you have?
Liprocy.
Why do golfers hate cake?
Because they might get a slice.
What do golf and se* have in common?
They’re two things you can enjoy even if you’re bad at both of them.
The game of golf is 90-percent mental…
And 10-percent mental.
Why did the golfer need new socks?
Because there was a hole in one.
Golf is what you play…
When you’re too out of shape to play softball.
Golf is a lot like taxes:
You go for the green and wind up in the hole.
Golf balls are like eggs…
They’re white, they are sold by the dozen, and a week later you have to buy more.
What are a golfer’s favorite flowers?
Fore-get-me-nots.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
The only problem with golf is...
The slow groups are always in front of you and the fast groups are always behind you.
What is a golfer’s worst nightmare?
The Bogeyman.
Why didn’t the golfer get his homework done?
He wouldn’t stop puttering around.
Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night?
Clubbing.
I’m not a bad putter…
I just can’t catch a break.
How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb?
FORE!
Why did Tarzan spend so much time on the golf course?
He was perfecting his swing
Golfer: The doctor says I can’t play golf.
Caddie: Oh, he’s played with you, too, eh?
When is the course too wet to play golf?
When your golf cart capsizes.
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