What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
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