What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Go big or go gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
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