“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Go to BabaMail
