How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
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