What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the gnome visit his mother?
To get a gnome-cooked meal.
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Go big or go gnome.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
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