Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
Why was the leprechaun fired from his cashier job?
'Cause he was always a little short.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Why are gnomes so pragmatic?
They don’t have tall tales.
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
What do you get if you cross a gnome and a tauren?
A mini-taur.
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Six out of seven dwarfs aren’t Happy.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
What do gnomes love to sing while gardening?
Gnome Worry, Bee Happy.
Gnomes can be quite annoying when they’re indecisive. All they say is yes, gnome, maybe.
What do spiritual gnomes say when doing yoga? Gnom-aste.
Did you hear about the gnome cop?
He works in lawn enforcement.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call a dwarf who sells prosthetic limbs?
A small arms dealer.
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Go big or go gnome.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
What's the meanest thing ever?
When you ask a gnome, “What will you be when you grow up?”
What do you get from a dwarf cow?
Condensed milk.
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