How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
What do gnome allergy sufferers call a reaction caused by daisy-like flowers?
An aster-risk.
Why do gnomes make such great secretaries?
Because they’re good at shorthand.
Did you hear the one about the Troll who tried to pay for dinner with a gnome? He came up short on the bill.
Beware, gnomish merchants, they tend to shortchange people.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
What do gnomes use to guard their mazes?
Minitaurs.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
A dyslexic witch cursed me!
Now everything I touch turns to glod, an increasingly disgruntled gnome.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
I met a gnome once, our conversation was very awkward...
I’m not very good at small talk.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Did you hear about the gnome city that doesn’t let humans through the gates? They call it Gno-man’s-land.
Someone stole my lawn gnome that was under my porch!
Who would stoop so low?
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
What do you call nomadic gnomes?
Gnomads.
Did you hear a gnome's favorite sport is baseball?
They love to score gnome runs.
Which kind of jokes do gnomes like to tell?
Elf-deprecating puns.
I don’t always like to tell dwarf jokes. But when I do, I like to keep them short.
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
Why are gnomes friends with dolls?
They like to share clothes.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
A gnome walks into a bar, and the bartender starts a tab for him. The gnome keeps pounding them away, one after the other. After a few hours, the gnome decides to call it a night. The bartender hands him his tab when the gnome realizes he left his wallet at home. He turns to the bartender and says, "Sorry, I'm a little short."
What do gnome mothers often say to their naughty children? Wait till your father gets gnome.
What did the witness say at the gnome trial? In my gnome words here’s what happened.
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
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