What do gnome standup comedians call a tiny pun?
Puny.
How many gnomes does it take to change a lightbulb?
It takes a village!
Gnomes don’t understand jokes, they go right over their heads.
Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Gnome! I can’t reach the doorbell!
Why was the gnome just standing over his lawnmower and crying?
Because he hit a rough patch.
Gnome Chat Up Line: Hey girl, is your name Juliet? ‘Cause my name is Gnomeo.
What do you call a gnome priest?
A compact disc.
They can’t read it, it’s on a need-to-gnome basis.
Did you hear about the Irishman killed with a garden gnome?
It was a knick-knack paddywhack.
Why don't gnomes tell secrets in the garden?
Because the potatoes have eyes and the corn has ears. Plus, the beanstalk!
Where did Santa's little helpers go to high school?
They didn't, they were gnome-schooled.
A garden gnome is busy destroying some plants when suddenly a house cat appears.
"What are you?" asks the cat.
"I'm a gnome. I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, and I raise a ruckus at night to drive them crazy. I just love mischief! And what, may I ask, creature, are you?"
The cat thinks for a moment and says, "I guess I'm a gnome."
Where do gnomes first go when they log on to the internet?
The gnome page of course!
What do you call a psychic gnome who escaped from prison?
A small, medium at large!
What do gnomes love to sing at Christmas?
We're driving gnome for Christmas.'
Did you know garden gnomes wear little red hats?
It’s a little gnome fact.
Too bad, if only I’d gnome!
The word Gnome is a corruption of the Latin word Genomus or earth dweller.
In other words, it's a misgnomer.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Gnome.
Gnome who?
Gnome sweet gnome.
Why did the gnome take the subway to work?
Because a metro-gnome is always on time.
They aren’t gnome for their humor.
What race makes for the edgiest bards?
Rock gnomes.
All right, everyone, that’s enough! Gno more games!
Did you hear about the gnome rogue?
Of course not, that g is silent!
What do you call fifty-five gnomes in the mouth of a kraken?
A good start.
Did you hear about the troupe of gnome dancers that robbed half the city blind?
They had a good run, but the jig is up.
Did you hear about the one-legged gnome?
He’s one foot tall.
“If you step on a purple mushroom, you’ll be forced to marry the ugliest person in the world,” warned the old gnome, so the man continued carefully through the woods.
He didn’t step on any purple mushrooms.
Suddenly a beautiful woman walked up and said: “We have to get married.”
“Why?” asked the man, smiling.
“I just stepped on one of those pesky purple mushrooms!”
Why cant a dwarf be depressed?
Because they are compressed.
Why did the confused gnome decide to see a shrink?
Because he had low elf-esteem.
Why do gnomes laugh when they play football?
Because the grass tickles their armpits.
Just hangin' with my gnomies.
I used to adventure with a gnome, but he gave it up so he could focus on writing under a pseudonym. He became a gnome-de-plume…
What sound does a gnome make when he's eating dinner?
Gnome-gnome-gnom-gnom-gnom-nom-nom!
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