What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
What kind of ears do trains have?
Engineers.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
To all the people that don't cover their mouths then they cough.
You make me sick.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
How do you beat a robot in a fist fight
Socket in the jaw.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
A quadriplegic man became famous playing beautiful piano classics with only his nose, ears, chin, and forehead.
Before going on stage to perform, his tour manager would say, "Alright John. It's time to face the music."
Why is Pavlov's hair so soft?
Because he conditions it.
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
"What's with that fruit taped to your mouth?" the doctor asked. "Covid-19 prevention," the patient replied.
"You need a bandana, not a banana!"
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
I saw my neighbor, slumped over his lawnmower, crying his eyes out.
I think he’s going through a rough patch.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
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