A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
What did Van Gogh name the ear he didn't cut off?
Van Stay.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
My doctor says I should get my ears cleaned every 12 months.
I think he means ear-ly.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
George Michael once damaged his ears while cleaning them...
Careless Swissper.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between you and me, something smells.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
What kind of facial hair should a sea captain have?
A boatee.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Why can't your nose be 12 inches long?
Because then it'd be a foot!
What did Dr. Frankenstein say when Pinocchio’s nose grew?
"IT’S A LIEEEEE!!"
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
I told the doctor I was deaf in my left ear he said 'are you sure?'
Then I said 'I'm definite."
I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What do you call a gray animal with big ears and a large trunk?
A traveling mouse.
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
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