I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
How does a hairdresser stop themselves from cutting their own hair?
By sheer will.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Right, I'm off to grow some facial hair above my top lip...
Must dash.
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
What do you call a group of guys waiting to get their hair cut?
A Barbecue.
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
What's the best hairstyle for a gun?
Bangs.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
My friend didn't want to participate in the pick your new hairstyle conference but I convinced him...
He took part.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
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