Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
My wife hates the colour of her hair...
She's dyeing to change it.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
I mustache you a question..
but I'll shave it for later.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
Did you get a hair cut?
No, I got them all cut.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
Why don’t orcas have hair?
They have whale pattern baldness.
What do you call it when you have proof that you bought a wig?
A receipting hairline
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Not everyone looks good with a wig
But I think you could really pull it off.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
Why does James Bond Have grey hair?
Because there's no time to dye!
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!
What do you call a line of men out on the lawn, having sausages and waiting to have a haircut and shave?
A barber queue.
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I grew facial hair without telling anyone.
It's my secret 'stache.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
-
Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I used to hate facial hair...
But then it grew on me.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
My wife, whilst trying to brush my son's hair, told him he was having a bad hair day.
My son replied, "Oh, is it being knotty?"
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
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