A captain was barking at his crew. "What do you think is between yer ears!?"
"Eye Eye, Captain!"
I bought a wig for my wife, at a discount store...
Didn't want toupee full price.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
You can pick your friends or you can pick your nose...
but you can't pick your friend's nose.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
I hate it when you offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she’s not your friend anymore.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Why is the nose in the middle of the face?
Because it's the scenter.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
What do you call an eye that can fly?
A real eye soar.
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
When you’re smooching with your honey, and your nose is kinda runny, you may think it’s kinda funny, but it snot.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I've never seen the inside of my ears...
But I've heard good things.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What to you call a legume with facial hair?
A mustachio!
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
There's a serious ear condition that dogs can get, it makes their ears ring all the time.
It's called Rin-Tin-Tinnitus.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
A nose visited its home town.
It was overcome with nostril-gia.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
Another term for hair that's tied up in a bun is
a hairball
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
I've got 4 eyes, 3 legs, 1 tail, and 12 toes. What am I?
A liar.
Eye drops are technically blinker fluid.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
Why does it take so long to shave a giant sheep with normal sized clippers?
Shear size.
Some people think it's okay to wear your mask over your mouth while not covering your nose.
They're mouthbreathers.
My head hurt and I had a really runny nose during math class
I think i had a sin(x) infection.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
Go to BabaMail
