What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
One ear of corn says to the other, “I think I have a stalker.”
The other corn replies, “Thats amaizing! Is he cute?” The ear replies, “No, too husky!”
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
I accidentally sprayed deodorant in my mouth.
Now when I talk I have a weird axe scent.
My little sister came to my room with a lighbulb in her mouth. I asked her "what in the world are you doing?"
She said "I'm having a light snack."
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
A doctor walked into an exam room to see a patient with carrots sticking out his ears and broccoli up his nose.
The doctor said: “I can tell right away that you haven't been eating properly."
Why did the kid put the dinky car in his ear?
Because he wanted to give it a wax job.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
What do you call a man with no body and no nose?
Nobody knows
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
What's a bee's favorite hairstyle?
A buzz cut.
What is a butchers favorite facial hair style?
Mutton chops.
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
How do mountains hear?
with mountaineers.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
I gave my wife a broken hair-dryer for her birthday
She wasn’t blown away.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
How much does it cost a pirate to get his ear pierced?
It's a buccaneer
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
What’s the name of the Grim Reapers hair salon?
Curl up and dye.
Did you know if you hold a hard hat up to your ear....
you can hear the OSHA?
I accidentally rubbed ketchup in my eyes.
Now I have Heinzsight.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
What comes out of your nose at 200 mph?
Lambogreeny.
Did you hear about the guy who got a metal jaw replacement?
I think he just did it for a tin chin.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
I've been trying to sleep with one eye open lately, but it's really hard
Last night I couldn't sleep a wink
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What hairstyle did Moses get at the hairdressers?
A middle parting.
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you get if you cut off Mona Lisa's ears?
MONO LISA.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
What do you do if your nose goes on strike?
Picket.
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
What does Satan shave with?
A hell razor.
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