Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
Rich people are born with a silver spoon in their mouth.
But polite french people are born with a s'il vous plaît.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
What do you call James Bond with no beard ?
Agent Zero Zero Shaven.
Why doesn't the moon shave?
Because it waxes.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
My executive assistant has long hair.
I call him my mane man.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"
She said, "Not neccecelery."
If Satan ever lost his hair...
There would be hell toupee.
I recently had my hair cut.
At first I didn’t like it but now it’s growing on me.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
Someone stole my wig!
That was a bald move.
my nose starts bleeding at eleven every night
but I’ve seen stranger things.
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
I can't hear out of my ear...
It's really EAR-itating.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call someone with fruit in one ear and whipped cream in the other?
A trifle deaf.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
How did Pavlov get such great hair?
He conditioned it.
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.
When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
What do you call an ear with no eyes
No-eyed ear
What type of hairstyle is popular with polar bears?
Frosted tips.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
My father in law has had an ear infection for three weeks.
I had to double check that, it didn't sound right.
Why was the man who hung tennis equipment from his ears arrested?
He was found guilty of racket-ear-ring
As I handed my dad his 50th birthday card, he looked at me with tears in his eyes and said
"You know, one would have been enough."
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
What did the wig say to the head?
I got you covered.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
My son elbowed me in the mouth during a tickle fight
But that's ok. It was acci-dental.
What kind of hair explodes?
Bangs.
I had a jaw-dropping experience.
Sadly, it was radium poisoning.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
There's a South American country where they have a rare pepper. Instead of being hot when you eat it, it makes your mouth feel cold.
It's called the Chilly Chile Chili.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
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