Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked.
My friend keeps joking about the thing he has to wear to cover his mouth while he's exercising outside.
It's a running gag.
What do emo birds call their mouths?
Bleaks.
You know, people say they pick their nose,
but I feel like I just was born with mine.
Bad puns are how eye roll.
If a T-Rex slipped and broke its nose would it would need a dinoplasty?
My daughter asked me if I could put her hair in a bun. I said...
“I could but I think the baker might object”.
My hair was acting crazy so I told it to comb down.
I inshtalled my shelf wrong and it fell on top of me, breaking my jaw. Now I shound weird.
I guesh I only have myshelf to blame.
My wife just now: Do men's ears actually work or are they just for decoration?
Me: 'What?'
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do you call a guy with an ear fetish.
Hard for hearing.
How do medieval cathedrals clean their mouths before bedtime?
They gargoyle.
Thankfully evolution gave us ears a million years ago...
Now we finally get to use them to wear masks.
When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.
It’s our family hair loom.
My New Years resolution for next year will be to finally get that laser eye surgery I’ve always wanted
It’s my 2020 vision
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
After making love the other night, I told my spouse that I love when the whisper sweet things in my ear...
So my spouse leaned in close and whispered..."Syrup."
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
What do you call an Amish Man whose hand is in a horse’s mouth?
A mechanic.
A man goes to the doctors and says " Doc, I'm having problems with my ears, I think I'm going deaf".
The Doc says " Can you tell me the symptoms?"
The man replies, " Well, Homer's the big fat bloke, and Marge has blue hair!"
Some guy with cancer insulted my hair today.
Bald words for someone without it.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
I saw a friend of mine named Ella sit down to eat a fillet of salmon. As she lifted the fork to her mouth I screamed NO DON’T EAT THAT!
When she asked why I responded “you’ll get salmon-Ella!”
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
My friends tell me I'm like a beard..
I grow down or sideways, but I never grow up!
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
I got punched in the mouth by a drug addict today.
Now my jaw’s all methed up.
I told my son that I wash my hair with poo but I lied.
It’s not real poo, it’s a sham poo.
Where are noses made?
At the olfactory.
How did the hipster burn his mouth?
He ate his food before it was cool.
I got some salt in my eye
Now it’s see salt.
What did the ear of corn say when all of its clothes fell off?
Awe shucks!
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What’s orange with bad hair and hears ‘boo’ a lot?
A haunted pumpkin with a wig.
What did the electrician use to moisturise his hair?
Air conditioner.
The other day someone made fun of my ears for hanging down too far.
Lobe low, dude.
My mother-in-law never taught my wife to shave her legs without getting cut.
She didn’t razor right.
What did the skeleton say to the French soldier? Bone Jaw
I bought a wig for a dollar...
It was a small price toupee.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What helps a pirates hair grow?
Aaarrrgan oil.
Why do Pencils shave?
To look sharp.
Singing in the shower is all fun and games until you get soap in your mouth.
Then it becomes a soap opera.
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No eye deer.
How does a lumberjack trim his beard?
With a chinsaw.
I accidentally injured my girlfriend with a mouth organ.
I really didn't mean to harm Monica.
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