I got sick when I lost one of my ear buds.
It was mono.
Why are super loud sounds bad for your ears?
It hertz your eardrums.
My friend went bald years ago, but still carries his old comb with him.
He just can’t part with it.
Did you guys see the cow with facial hair?
It has a moo-stache.
Why did dad shave his daughters barbie?
She wanted 100 doll hairs.
Called in sick to work one day complaining about my eyes.
When they asked what's wrong I said:
“I just can’t see myself coming in to work today.”
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Where do sheep go to get their hair cut?
The baa-baa shop.
I stumbled into a room where everyone's ears were missing.
I know it sounds EARy, but it wasn't.
Did you know there is a new horse species with one eye and a horn?
It's called a unicornea.
“My Dog has no nose. How does he smell?”
"Awful.”
I saw a movie about a pig with no eyes.
It was PG.
I have six eyes, two mouths and three ears, what am I?
Ugly.
I was going to shave my face but my razor was blunt.
It said, "You look ugly without a beard."
How does the moon cut his hair?
Eclipse it.
Why was the man with a beard in pain?
Because he had a must ache.
What is your mouth’s favorite exercise?
Burpees.
What do you call a giant gorilla with pean u t butter in one ear and Jam in the other?
Anything you want, he's not going to hear you!
Daughter: Did you get a hair cut?
Dad: No sweetheart I got em all cut.
My barrista friend turns up her nose at instant coffee.
She's quite sankamonious.
Did you know Davy Crockett had three ears?
A left ear, a right ear, and a wild frontier.
My wife made beef stew to clear my stuffed nose...
...bud I don'd dink it was strogonoff.
What does a bee use to brush it's hair ?
A Honeycomb.
Someone put LSD in my hair gel
My hair has been spiked!
What do ghosts use to wash their hair?
Shamboo.
Coworker: Hey, I reallly like your hair! What's your secret?
Me: Thank-you! I don't get very many complements on it. Most people are gel-ous.
How many ears does Spok have?
Three. The left ear, the right ear and The Final Frontier.
This eye pun couldn't be any cornea.
"I like a man that can pull off facial hair."
I think your supposed to use a razor.
his morning my son said his ear hurt and I asked : on the inside or outside?
So he walks out the front door, comes back in and says "Both."
What makes your mouth sad?
A tongue depressor.
I can cut a piece of wood with my own eyes just by looking at it
It's true, I saw it with my own eyes.
Daughter: I think I'm going to put my hair in a bun tomorrow.
Dad: We're all out. You'll have to use bread.
What do you call a person with a peg nose acting suspicious?
Suspeg.
Have you heard of the hair stylist that refuses to cut hair?
If she won't cut hair to earn a living, she'll certainly dye.
What do you call an eye specialist with a short shirt?
A crop-toptometrist
What do you call friends with airpods in their ears
Earbuds.
What does a drunkard's mouth and a shirt have in common?
They are both 100% cotton.
It took me forever to figure out where my mustache went.
Turns out, it was right under my nose the whole time.
Wind carried the sound of two people mocking each other to my ears.
I was in diss-gust.
Huge explosion at the hair brush factory...
Investigators are still combing through the wreckage.
A person with a very blocked nose walks into a doctors office.
The doctor says: "So, you're having mucus problems?"
The person replies: "perhaps, perhaps snot.
Why does Bruce Wayne have such fabulous hair?
He uses conditioner Gordon.
I tried to warn my son about the dangers of Russian roulette...
It went in one ear and out the other.
A bald man walks into the Hair Club. “I’d like to buy a hair piece if the price is right.”
Hair Club Salesperson: “Well sir, how much do you want toupee?”
What does a funeral home hair stylist handle on a daily basis?
A brush with death
My wife is always telling me I shouldn’t stick Q-tips so far in my ear
At least that’s what I think she was saying.
Several years ago, I lost all my hair. Yes, I'm bald. But, I still keep my comb. I bring it with me everywhere still.
I just can't part with it.
What do you call somebody who's addicted to trimming hair?
A clipptomaniac!
When she saw her first strands of gray hair...
She thought she would dye.
I used to date a girl with a lazy eye
Turns out she was seeing someone else.
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