Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
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