Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
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