What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
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