How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What kind of sandwich does Kissy the Elf like for lunch?
A wrap!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
What happens to elves who misbehave?
They get the sack.
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
What do elves learn when they go to school?
The elf-abet.
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
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