Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Knock knock
Who's there?
Elf
Elf who?
Elf me wrap this present!
What lives at the North Pole and is green, white, and red all over?
A sunburned elf!
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
What language do they teach at Elf School?
North Polish!
We've all heard about elf on a shelf, but have you ever heard of troll on a poll?
What do elves eat for breakfast?
Snowflakes!
What type of elf has the most books?
A bookshelf.
An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
"Don’t be elfish," said momma elf to her son. "Share with your sister."
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
Why did some of the elves spell Christmas as N-O-E? Because Santa said No L!
"Santa’s pretty stelfy going down the chimney, don’t you think?" said one elf to another.
Where do elves go to get famous?
Holly-wood.
What did the mama elf say to her mischievous child?
“Stop elvesdropping on Santa!”
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Where does an elf family stay when on vacation?
At a Ho-ho-ho-tel!
What does Santa use after trimming his beard?
Elftershave.
What do elves use in the kitchen when they are cooking?
Kitchen u-tinsels!
Why did Santa stop smoking a pipe?
It was bad for his elf!
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What do they call a wild elf in Texas?
Gnome on the range!
Did you hear about the new holistic elf doctor?
He's a gnome-opath!
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
What kind of money do elves always use?
Jingle bills!
What kind of pictures do elves love to paint?
Elf-portraits!
What do you call an elf that joins the 11 other elves in Santa’s workshop?
The twelf!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
What kind of bread do elves use to make sandwiches?
Why shortbread of course!
How many elves does it take to change a light bulb?
Ten! One to change the light bulb and nine to stand on each other's shoulders!
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What do you call an elf who steals Christmas present wrapping from the wealthy and gives it to the poor?
Ribbon Hood.
What goes inside elves’ pointy shoes?
Their mistletoes.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
What do you call an elf who hasn’t had a date in two years or more?
Elf on the shelf.
What’s the self-care mantra of elves after the holiday season ends?
“Treat yo’elf.”
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
Why are elves so cold at Christmas?
Because it's in Decembrrrrr.
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
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