An overworked elf walks into a bar the day before Christmas and orders a beer. "Hey look, everyone! It's an elf!" the bartender exclaims. "I'm sorry, but that phrase is now insensitive and politically incorrect," the elf says. "We prefer to be called subordinate clauses."
How do elves stay so skinny?
Elfy eating!
What happens if an elf catches you being naughty?
Yule be sorry!
Who did all this shopping? Me, my elf, and I!
What kind of elf lives in a soda can?
A Sprite!
Whose music do elves like the most?
Elf-is Presley.
What do you call an elf who won’t share?
Elfish.
Why do Santa’s helpers go to therapy?
To help their elf esteem.
Did you hear about the elf that quit Santa's workshop?
He was a rebel without a Claus.
What kind of money do elves use?
Cold cash!
Did you hear about the elf who was a little hard of hearing?
She had to keep saying "Sleigh, what?"
Why did the dyslexic elf get fired?
He kept writing "From Satan" on children's New Year presents.
When the elves are clapping for their boss, we call it Santapplause.
How do Santa’s elves go to different floors in the North Pole toy workshop? They use the elf-avator!
What is an elf’s favorite band?
The Pixies.
Did you hear about the Elf booted from the chorus?
He couldn't Fa-la-la-la-long.
Where do elves vote?
The North Poll.
Elves usually make fantastic listeners since they happen to be all ears.
What did the elf tell its friends when they were traveling?
"Let’s take an elfie."
Why did the elf use a duck to wake him on Christmas morning?
So he could be up at the quack of dawn!
What kind of music do elves listen to?
Wrap music.
Why shouldn't you feed elves shellfish?
It makes them crabby!
If an elf can’t do something right now, how do they handle it?
Shelf it for later.
What would you call an elf with lots of money?
W-elfy!
What kind of motorbike do elves ride to work?
A Holly Davidson!
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