I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
The recipe said, “set the oven to 180 degrees”...
Now I can’t open the door because it faces the wall.
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
If you hit your head on a coffeemaker
Would it leave a brews?
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
The tea pot sounds so angry!
Nah, its just letting off some steam.
I heard my son complaining about doing laundry.
He said, 'These just socks'.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
What do you call a gorilla stuck in a ventilation shaft?
A Duct-ape.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
Something is odd about my hot stove.
I just can't quite put my finger on it.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
What did one chandelier say to the other?
I have friends in the high places.
I can't find my humidifier anymore...
I have reported it misting.
My son asked me if I ate the leftovers he was saving in the refrigerator.
I told him "of course not - I ate them in the living room"
On our way to buy a refrigerator, I saw my husband carrying a piece of paper with a giant X written on it. I asked, “What are you going to do with it?”
He said, “Let’s cross that fridge when we get there.”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
Why did the light bulb fail his math quiz?
He wasn’t too bright.
I caught my friend harassing some electricity. I told him it was an abuse of power.”
So earlier I took my clothes from the washer and threw them into the dryer.
I can't be sure how they felt about that, but they seemed agitated.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What do you call an ironing board that makes your clothes more wrinkly?
An irony board.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Toasters were the first form of pop-up notifications.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
Sitting near the fireplace is just like a whole bunch of bees...
'swarm
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
What temperature do you set a toy oven?
Faux hundred degrees.
What sound does a vacuum sweeper make when it explodes?
Ka-BROOM!!!
How do you keep food warm in the refrigerator?
Keep it in the corner, because it is 90 degrees.
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
Is your refrigerator running? I was hoping to vote for it.
Why was the broken air conditioner already sad?
Because it couldn’t vent it’s problems.
Why do fluorescent lights hum? Because they can’t remember the words.”
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Just burned 2,000 calories.
That’s the last time I leave brownies in the oven while I nap.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
I get so mad when the heater is on.
I don't know why, I just lose my cool.
It’s crazy that Dubai doesn’t show The Flintstones on TV...
But Abu Dhabi Do!
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