Even the heaviest chandelier is pretty light.
What happens if you put an iPhone in a blender?
You get apple juice.
I got arrested at work today for moving my desk away from the air conditoner vent.
I was charged with draft-dodging!
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
Just bought a vacuum cleaner, from a Buddhist selling them door to door. I should have known better..
It came with no attachments.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
My dad used to crack jokes standing above our fireplace.
Now he's passed the mantle on to me.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
My friend bought a new house, and invited everyone to a party.
My dad asks, "How was the house warming?" And I said, "With the furnace, I suppose."
What kind of car does an electrician drive? A Volts-wagon.”
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
How do you dry clothes on a line in winter?
You freeze dry them.
How does a dog stop a TV show?
He presses paws!
What is an energy provider’s favorite dance?
The electric slide.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
Why is the air conditioner repairman the life of the party?
It’s not cool until he arrives.
I couldn't resist this flirty TV remote...
It was an instant turn on.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Why are teapots so expensive?
Because they make you pour!
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I sold my cleaning equipment.
It was just collecting dust.
Did you hear about the abusive flashlight? It was charged with battery.
This morning, my dad told me something that gave me the chills.
He said, “I’m turning off the heating.”
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
The sun is just a big space heater.
My landlord said we need to talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied: “Sure, my door is always open.”
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What do you call laundry detergent on the top shelf?
High tide.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
My wife told me: “You’ve got to stop watching so much TV, and read more!”...
so I turned on the closed captioning.
What do you call a fake pastry?
A prop tart!
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
My friend asked me why I was wearing a lamp shade over my face.
I replied, "I am feeling light headed."
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