Moisturize the air!
As fast as humidly possible.
Last night me and the wife watched three DVDs back to back.
Luckily I was the one facing the TV
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
My friend dragged me to a lecture about lamps. I though it would be boring but...
It was very illuminating.
I went to a Church yard sale looking for a grill...
Unfortunately, they only had friars.
I hate being married to a microwave
Every time I give her my two cents she blows up
My friend pointed at a chandelier and said: "isn't that the coolest chandelier ever?"
I replied: "I don't know if it's the coolest, but it's up there."
What did the light bulb say to the electric generator? ‘You spark up my life!”
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
My wife left a note on the fridge, saying, "This isn't working. Goodbye."
I opened it and it works fine.
How did the small oven greet the large oven?
He Microwaved.
What did the lamps do after their date?
They got turned on.
I just found out you should never put a bar of soap in the dishwasher.
It's hand wash only.
I put some bread in the toaster this morning, but it never popped up again
I think it might be comatoast.
I noticed a wasp in my laundry as I was dropping it in the washer. I decided the best action was to close the lid and start the machine anyway.
Now it's a washp.
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
What’s the best tool to install an electrical plug with?
A socket wrench.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Last night I turned my wife on by ironing one side of her shirt...
I was pressing all the right buttons.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
I just built a car out of a washing machine.
I’ll be taking it for a spin later.
I gave my wife a lamp for our anniversary.
Someone’s getting LED tonight.
What did Communists use to light their houses before candles? Electricity.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
I put some big, giant, large, massive, enormous, huge bread in the toaster.
I was making synonym toast.
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
Yesterday I put a $50 note in my freezer.
Now I have some frozen assets.
What happens when you put your hand in a blender?
You get a hand shake.
What football team do energy providers root for the most? The Chargers”
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
I destroyed all the air conditioners at work and escaped.
Police are now charging me with a 'heat and run' incident.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
Where do light bulbs go shopping?
The outlet stores.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow.
It was our last warming.
Did you hear what the foolish gardener did?
The guy planted a light bulb and though he’d get a power plant.
I just put some meat in the oven.
It’s bacon.
What TV show did the astronaut appear in?
Dancing with the stars.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
Why did the electrical cords break up? There was no spark between them.”
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
The superconductor left without resistance.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
What is a plug’s favorite chant at a sporting event?
CHARGE!!
Did you hear about the guy who fell into the industrial cake mixer?
He's feeling much batter now.
My blender is a bit forgetfull. It keep breaking the ice with me.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
Go to BabaMail
