I used to get so mad when my kitchen appliances leaked
now it's just water under the fridge
I put my fancy shirts in the freezer before I wear them.
It's cold fashion, look it up!
The superconductor left without resistance.
What powers an electric kettle?
Electrici-tea.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Laundry puns?
I got loads of them.
Don't ever change a light bulb while the oven is on
You'll get burned out
What instrument never fails to energize a crowd?
An electric guitar.
My wife and I had a huge argument as to whose turn it was to do laundry.
Eventually, I folded.
My wife is threatening to leave me because of my obsession with acting like a TV news anchor.
More on this after the break.
Why did the freezer never graduate?
Because it was set on 0 degrees.
Got my new blender yesterday but I can't tell if I like or not though...
It keeps giving me mixed results.
How long do you microwave fish?
Tuna half minutes!
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy? A power play.”
The guy who got arrested for eating batteries…. He is to be charged in the morning.
Found out I washed some of my son's nerf darts in his laundry...
Should make for some good clean shots.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
What do you call a skeleton in a freezer?
Bone-chilling.
If you're stressed, try ironing clothes.
It's a great way to let off some steam.
What do you call the art of Freezer meditation?
Fro-zen!
How did the charger get rich?
He made a killing in the shock market.
My 6 year old daughter has lined up all of her dolls towards the outdoor grill...
Looks like she’s preparing some kind of Barbie queue...
What does a confident kettle have
Self-e-steam
My friend keeps the toaster on the lowest setting
I suspect he's got black toast intolerance
A sweater I bought was picking up static electricity. So, I returned it to the store. They gave me another one free of charge.”
Refrigerators look kinda boring.
But actually they're pretty cool
What penalty in hockey uses the most amount of energy?
A power play.
Today, I changed a light bulb, crossed a street, and walked into a bar.
My life is a joke.
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
Did you hear the one about the ice cube’s great escape from the freezer?
You could say it was a well thawed out plan.
Oh laundry, sometimes I feel like our first president...
Because I am washing-a-ton.
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
What did the dough say after half an hour in the oven?
I’m bready.
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
Why did the electrician marry his colleague? He couldn’t resistor.
My Co-Worker came in today exhausted from staying up all night watching Television comedies...
She Satired.
What did the sad lamp say when plugged in?
"I finally feel better now that I’ve got an emotional outlet."
We ran out of laundry detergent today and had to open up a new one.
It was a changing of the Tide.
Why are refrigerator shelves hipsters?
They were there before it was cool.
How many museum curators does it take to change a light bulb?
6. 1 changes it and the other 5 preserve, display, and celebrate the old model.
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
I stopped ironing my clothes.
I have less pressing concerns.
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity? It’s natural.”
There's a programme about the history of perfume on TV tonight.
It's on at 8pm on Chanel Number 5!
Invest in grills!
They're hot steakholders!
I finally managed to get rid of that nasty electrical charge I’ve been carrying. I’m ex-static!”
What did the light bulb say to the generator? ‘I really get a charge out of you!”
My favorite crime TV show has a duck as the main character.
He always quacks the case.
Why did the monk meditate with a light bulb?
He hoped it would help him to reach enlightenment.
What does a four-wheeled vehicle and a television have in common?
They’re both ATV
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