Why did bulb pack an apple in his bag?
He wanted to have a light snack.
I wonder who invented the air conditioner...
Must’ve been a pretty cool guy.
What did the vacuum cleaner salesman say before murdering his son?
Dyson!
I hear it's easy to get ladies not to eat Tide pods.
It's more difficult to deter gents, though.
I think my window air conditioner needs an ambulance.
It keeps hyperventilating.
How can you tell the camera was afraid of the toaster?
Everytime he looked at it, it made him shutter.
What is a wise, old priest's favorite kitchen appliance?
The deep friar.
I hid the control for the TV
I’m not even remotely sorry.
Everyone knows The Beatles, but do you know The Laundry Beatles?
It's members are Paul McCottoney, John Linen, Ringo Starch ... And George Harrison.
I bought you a refrigirator.
I can't wait to see your face light up as you open it.
I was pretty mad when the air conditioner stopped working...
I lost my cool.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions? I haven’t seen you in light-years.”
Why are environmentalists attracted to electricity?
It’s natural.
I hit my head on a light bulb today, but it’s okay.
It was a soft white.
I just burned my Hawaiian pizza in the oven
I guess I should have put it on aloha setting
Did you hear about the baker that accidentally backed into an open oven...?
His buns were toasted.
I hate when my heater says something that sounds meaningful...
But it turns out to just be blowing hot air.
What is a surfer's least favorite kitchen appliance?
A Microwave
Why do Russian teapots have to go to bed early?
Because samovars have to work tomorrow.
I like to sleep with the bedside lamp on, even though my wife says it's weird.
I don't see how, I think it makes a great hat.
I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs...
I guess I'll just wing it
I asked my son to stop leaving the freezer door open.
I told him, “This is why we can’t have ice things.”
I can’t afford to pay for electricity anymore; these are some dark times.
My wife says she's divorcing me because of my obsession with television dramas.
But will she leave me...?
Find out next week.
What do power strips always say at their high school reunions?
I haven’t seen you in light years.
My mixer broke down today. I'm very sad to part with it, I couldn't have whisked for a better friend.
What do you call a kangaroo who watches too much TV?
A pouch potato.
How many software engineers do you need to change a light bulb?
None – it’s a hardware problem.
As a refrigerator technician, after a hard day on the job, I like to relax...
And chill out.
What was the light bulb’s occupation?
He was a conductor
What do you call it when a clothes dryer is dancing?
A linty-hop.
A burglar stole all my lamps.
I should be upset, but I’m delighted
Television is a medium,
Because anything well done is rare.
My wife asked if I knew how to turn on the dishwasher.
I told her I would some flirty compliments.
What's a freezer's favorite time period?
The ice age!
Who's the most popular kitchen appliance?
The freezer, he's really cool
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
Jimmy Felon.
Whoever named it a television ...
Should've called it a watching machine.
Two TV antennas meet on a roof, fall in love and get married...
The ceremony was boring but the reception was brilliant.
They call the first episode of a TV show a "Pilot", because anyone can fly a plane for a couple seconds....
But you have to prove your jokes can land.
I love taking pictures of myself next to boiling kettles.
My friend reckons I have selfie steam issues
My wife told me to stop eating Christmas leftovers out the fridge...
But I just can’t quit cold turkey
I feel uncomfortable next to my fridge
It's way too cool for me
What did the lamp eat?
A light snack...
I just saw my wife trip and fall, while carrying a laundry basket full of ironed clothes.
I watched it all unfold.
One blender turns to the one next to it and says "You're looking exceptionally good today!"
So the other replies, "You're such a smoothie talker"
What did Master Yoda say when he saw himself on the television?
HDMI
Why was the broken refrigerator angry?
Because he couldn’t keep his cool.
People find laundry therapeutic...
Because it takes a load off their mind.
I started ironing my clothes...
To de-crease how bad I looked
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