Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
My lifeguard friend had come back home and wanted to do some work, so I gave him my computer to use. Now I have a screen-saver at my house.
Why can't you use beef stew as a password?
Because it's not stroganoff.
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
Did you hear about the new Wifi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
Did you hear about the Wi-Fi wedding?
The ceremony was awful, but the reception was great!
Did you like my HTTP 200 joke?
It was OK.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
My keyboard fell apart today.
I feel like I'm losing Ctrl of everything.
Changed all my passwords to Kenny.
Now all I have are Kenny Loggins.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I love complimentary WiFi.
It makes me feel good about myself.
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
Why did the computer spy get fired?
She couldn't hack it.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
Which keyboard shortcut doesn't work if you're incontinent?
Ctrl-P
The shark and the computer are so alike. They both have and use their megabytes.
How do you come up with a secure password to protect yourself against hackers?
Just make it the last 10 digits of pi.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
What was Hitler's favorite computer game?
Mein Kraft.
Interesting that illegally copying on computers is known as piracy.
I suppose you CTRL C
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
My dog ate my computer science homework.
It took him a couple of bytes.
Someone vandalized my keyboard leaving only 1 button.
Surprisingly, the police were more thorough in the investigation than I expected. They even asked to see my colon.
An American guy visits a friend in Scotland.
When he arrives at his friend's house, he asks "Can I use your Wifi?"
The friend looks a bit perplexed, but then he smiles and says, "Sure ye can, she's up th' stairs."
I went into a bar with a keyboard under my arm. The barman said "Oi! We don"t want your typing in here".
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
The computer wanted to get out of the house, so it used the Windows.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
My keyboard is missing a key. I lost ctrl.
I wasn't making enough money as a keyboard percussionist so I started moonlighting as gun salesperson.
I go from glockenspiel to Glock and spiel.
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
He couldn't get over his dead wife, so he got a new computer
Now he can processor.
I came into the office early and switched as many M and N keys on keyboards as I could. Some might say I'm a monster...
But others will say nomster
I hate it when planes don't have free WiFi.
It drives me bored air line crazy.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
If you used a keyboard with built-in speakers, you would be...?
Stereotyping.
I was waiting at the hotel's lobby when the WiFi was disconnecting from time to time.
I really hated that reception.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
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