Do you know the band 1023 megabytes?
They haven't had a gig yet.
How many programmers does it take to change a light bulb?
None because it's a hardware issue.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
My father got a new laptop, and it is now like the baby computer of the house, so we refer to the older laptop as the 'Data'.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
IF YOU GUYS SEE A LINK ON FACEBOOK THAT SAYS "GET A MILLION DOLLARS FOR FREE" DON'T CLICK ON IT.
IT IS A VIRUS THAT PUTS YOUR PHONE'S KEYBOARD ON CAPS LOCK.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
Why did the computer wear glasses?
To improve its web sight.
A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history - with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling my name on her computer. I saw it through my telescope last night.
*Creating password*
"MTWTFSS_MTWTFSS"
ERROR: [Password two week]
Hardcore programmers will agree that neither of them would use AC because they all prefer to open windows.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
Playing the keyboard is...
my type of music.
How do trees get on a computer?
They just log in.
My computer became self aware and asked for a snack.
I replied, "Sorry I'm fresh out of computer chips."
Why can't an IT guy keep a girlfriend?
He turns them all off and on again.
I was conned into believing that my hotel room in Moscow had free Wifi.
I remember the ad saying: Internyet.
Why was the computer late to work? Because it had a hard drive!
A robot is eating a hard drive for lunch.
The robot's friend asks for a bite and the robot says "Sure, but just a small bite." His friend takes a bite and the robot shouts, "Hey! That's a megabyte!"
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Computers cannot make good boxers because their bark is worse than their byte.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
I was dating a keyboard but we had to break up...
...she just wasn't my type.
My doctor must think I have a bad hard drive
He said he needed to C:
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
My brother, who is an IT guy, got surgery done on his fingers. Now he can truly be called a tech-knuckle support guy.
It's okay password...
...I'm insecure too...
It doesn't matter if my wife tells me Im not mature
Im not going to let her enter my tree house without the right password.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Q. What did the computer say to the cookie?
A. "Can I have your chocolate chip?"
I joined a support group for former computer hackers.
Anonymous Anonymous.
My wife told me she'll slam my head on the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.
I'm not too worried, I think she's jokinlkjhfakljn m,.nbziyoao78yv87dfaoyuofaytdf.
Why are boy keyboards scared of girl keyboards?
They don't want to get qwerties.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
Where do all the cool mice live? In their mousepads.
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Why was the computer coughing?
It had a virus.
I'm really obsessed with the F1 key on my keyboard. I'm trying to get help.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
Why are wooden hard drives so bad?
They're all bark and no byte.
My wifi password is the cat's birthday month
Feb-paw-hairy
I dropped my computer on my foot.
It mega-hurts.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
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