I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Why did Karen press Ctrl-Shift-Esc on her keyboard?
Because she wanted to speak to the Task Manager!
Did you hear about the guy who got fired from the Keyboard Factory?
He didn't put enough shifts in.
What key on the keyboard is truly out of this world?
The spacebar.
The rancher's Wifi wasn't working so he moved the router to the barn...
Now he has a stable connection
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
Where do the keys on a keyboard go to have a good time
The spacebar.
Why did the computer leave the restroom crying?
It said, "it hurts when IP."
Why was the old computer sad?
Because it had a floppy disk.
Why did the computer crash?
It had a bad driver!
I left my job at the keyboard factory today. To be honest, I had been looking for an Escape for a while.
Why did the hard drive crash?
Because it had a bad driver.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
Why did the spider get on the computer?
To check his website.
I didn't know WiFi stood for Wireless Fidelity.
I guess I just didn't get the connection.
Did you hear about the keyboard that lost it's Period Key?
He was missing the point.
I couldn't stop laughing when my father warned my brother, saying, "If you hack my Microsoft Office, I will find you, you have my Word".
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
What do you call a solar powered keyboard?
A photosynthesiser
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
What is the favorite snack of a programmer, it's undoubtedly Cadbury bytes.
I hate hard drives...
...they byte
My father said that there was a bug on my computer. The bug was trying to eat one byte at a time.
If cheese were downloadable, then I'd try to throw my hard drive as far as possible.
What I'm saying is, I'd chuck e-cheese.
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
I got a asked to leave karaoke night for singing "Danger Zone" seven times in a row. I had exceeded the allowed number of Loggins attempts.
How big is a clown's hard drive?
50 GiggleBytes
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
My mom told me that sitting on a computer 8 hours a day in unhealthy
I said: But, mom that's why I am using a chair.
How many wipes does it take to clean a keyboard?
qwsedrftgyhujikolpawesdrtfgyhujikloaszxdcrfvgtbhnjmk,lazsxdcfvgsedtfrgyftg67y78u87u8uii9op[;'';;'/;l/l;.l.k,lkmjkmertyudfghjk12q21q2qw3qwe3we4r45rt6ygerdgfvbwedfcv qwedfscv
I used to store motivational quotes that I found online, onto the cloud, for whenever I needed some inspiration.
Unfortunately I forgot the password for my Google account.
I have no Drive.
I am really good with PowerPoint because I Excel at it.
The computer said my password needed at least eight characters and at least one number, so I changed it to Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Which hard drive is always the happiest?
Disk C:
I asked the bartender for the WiFi password but he told me to buy a drink first. So I ordered a Moscow Mule and asked him again. He handed me a card with the password. It said:
"Buy a drink first" ... no spaces, all lowercase."
People need to be careful about computers at all times because they byte.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
My computer crashed and I lost all the notes I'd saved for the book I'm working on called "1,001 cures for itches."
I guess I'll have to start again from scratch.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
My partner got mad when she found so much spam on my computer.
She said, "Food belongs on a plate!"
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Changed my password to fortnight but apparently that's two week.
What is it called when an IT person gets surgery on their fingers?
Tech knuckle support.
My wife asked: "What's our WiFi?"
I said: It's an internet connection that works wirelessly through something called a modem. Why?"
She hasn't spoken to me all week.
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