The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
I phoned OK magazine the other day. They answered and said "Hello?", so I said "Sorry, wrong number," and hung up.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
My son accidentally smashed his foot on the table and as he was hopping around the room screaming in pain, I rushed to the phone, picked it up and asked him, "Do you want me to call..."
"...a TOE TRUCK!!??"
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
I was testing the speaker phone on the intercom on our landline with my father yesterday.
It started to make that annoying noise. My old man said it was too close to call.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
Why don't skeletons have a mobile? They don't have any body to talk to.
How come the mummy doesn't want a telephone? Because he always gets too wrapped up on his calls.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
I left my phone under my pillow last night and woke up to coins underneath it. It must have been the Blue-tooth fairy.
What do cell phones order at dinner?
Apps.
Why didn't the cell phone wear his glasses? He lost his contacts.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
I named my phone "The Titanic" because it's always syncing.
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
My mobile phone has a tuneless ring tone. It's chordless.
Autocorrect has become my worst enema.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
My husband asked me to sync his phone. So I threw it in the sea - not sure why he is upset.
What do you call a loud conversation? A megaphone.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
How does a pirate communicate? With his aye phone.
What did the therapist say to the angry client when their cell phone battery died?
I suggest you find an outlet!
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
Just received Areal Flood Advisory notification on my phone
I should hope it's a real one, the fake ones are just annoying.
What is an unlimited phone plan? A limit cannot be charged.
What brand of hand soap do telephone operators use? Dial.
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What is a tiny cell phone called? A microphone.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
My wife and I got married under a cell phone tower.
The ceremony wasn't great, but the reception was perfect.
What is a phone's favorite TV show? Game of Phones.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why is it so hard to contact a pirate? He leaves his phone off the hooks.