What happens when you cross an iron with a telephone? You get a smooth signal.
I deleted all my German friends from my cell phone contact list.
Now I'm Hanns free.
My dad enjoys writing jokes and storing them on my phone. He calls it his Dad-a-base.
How did Sam win the talent show? Sam-sung.
I like to write jokes down and store them on my phone, so that I can tell them to him later.
I call it my Dad-abase.
Since getting sober, I decided to go with the cheapest cell phone provider I can find!
Way fewer bars!!!
I did it! Dad said to save my money til my balance looks like a phone number.....
Available balance: $9.11.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
You know you're texting too much when...
you try to text, but you're on a landline!
I was on the phone with my wife and said, "I'm almost home, honey, please put the coffee maker on." After a twenty-second pause, I asked, "You still there, sweetheart?"
"Yeah," she replied. "But I don't think the coffee maker wants to talk right now"
Why did the telecommuter quit her job? Because talk is cheap.
Why did the telecommuter lose his job? He had to many hang ups.
What happens if you cross a night crawler with a telephone? You get Ringworm!
What kind of phone does a burglar use?
A no-key-a.
Cell phones are a static symbol.
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
What did the girl say when she got a fake call? "I think that call was phoney".
The umpire kept answering his phone during the softball game.
He said he didn't want to miss any calls.
How come an owl turns his cell phone off at night? So he doesn't get any hooty calls.
You didn't hear the joke about cell phones?
Probably because it had a bad reception.
Why did the hobbit set his cell phone to vibrate?
He was afraid the ring would give him away.
What did the phone say to begin the race?
On your marks, handset, go!
If they could prove cell phones give deadly radiation
You could say to people you don't like "cant talk right now, you're giving me cancer".
4G, or not 4G, that is the question.
I asked my son to go get me a phone book. He laughed, called me a dinosaur, and handed me his iPhone.
The spider is dead, the iPhone screen is cracked, and my son is furious!
I got a new cell phone for my wife...
Pretty awesome trade if you ask me!
A friend of mine has a mobile phone shaped like an Italian dumpling. It's a gnocchia.
I almost got in trouble because I tried to talk to someone in the same room as me over the phone...
...It was a close call.
I almost had a predicament trying to call someone in the same room as me. It was a close call.
What do a phone and an engaged girl have in common? They both have rings.
What group of people always had the highest cell phone bills?
The Romans.
Why don't birds make cell phone calls? They might accidentally wing the wrong number.
Wel'l Wel'l Wel'l - if it isn't autocorrect.
Did you hear about the cell phone that got arrested?
It was charged with battery.
How did the mobile phone propose to his girlfriend?
He gave her a ring
What do you call a bald spot on a cell phone salesperson?
A gap in coverage.
Why did a pirate leave the boat to get his forgotten cell phone? Booty calls.
While I was driving, I saw another person driving while talking on his cell phone.
I got so mad, I threw my beer at him.
What do you call a fake Nokia? A phone-y of course.
What did the thrifty man say when he got his phone bill? "Who says talk is cheap?"
I would not be able to picture myself without having a camera phone.
I want to tell you one more painful phone pun but I decided it's uncalled for.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
Apple is announcing a new cell phone for children.
iKid you not.
Where do phones like to travel?
To the Great Call of China!
What happened to the girl's phone when she was getting a perm done? She got a frizzy signal.
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