Ever hear about the computer programmer who moved to Mexico?
He wanted to be a Señor developer.
I left my laptop outside on the picnic table, and when I came back, the keyboard was covered in ants...
...It took a while to herd them together but I finally got them all under control.
Q. Where do computers keep their money?
A. In a data bank.
In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?
What do hackers do on a boat?
Phishing.
What do you call a program that uses every possible combination to crack a password?
A battering R.A.M.
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
I now pronounce you husband and wifi
You may kiss the bride goodbye.
What did the baby computer call its father?
Data.
Why is the 7 key on the keyboard so afraid?
Because the & is near
On a keyboard, nothing is under control.
Why did the computer come with airbags?
In case it crashed.
Asked the librarian rather loudly for the wifi password. He said "Sshhhhhh!" I asked "is that all lower case?"
Up until now, I always thought that all the cool mice would get together and live in my mousepad. Now when I know the truth, I feel quite broken.
Trying to teach my dad how to put WiFi on his tablet
Me: You just have to go to settings!
Dad: This is just making me upsettings!
On the spot no hesitation! Gotta love him!
Why did the computer parts salesman quit?
He lost his drive.
When my father complained to my mother for never picking or dropping me at school, she looked at him and said, "You are the master of drag and drop, my love". He's an IT specialist...
What did the eyewitness tell the cops after a computer robbed a bank?
It went data way!
What's the tastiest part of a floppy disk?
The cookie!
So, if I heat my solid state hard drive until it becomes a gaseous state hard drive
Would that mean I'm doing cloud computing?
What's the sketchiest button combo on a computer keyboard?
Shift + T
In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'
That will be a hard one to crack.
Some guy asked dad for the WiFi code.
Shrugging his shoulders and giving a sympathetic look, he responded: I can't figure her out either.
Why can't elephants use computers?
Because they're scared of the mouse.
A good workman doesn't blame his fools
\*tools.
Stupid keyboard.
My computer is so slow it's running in the '90s.
Why did the computer squeak? Because someone stepped on its mouse!
Entered what I ate today into my new fitness app and it just sent an ambulance to my house.
What do you get when you cross a computer with an elephant? Lots of memory!
Did you hear about the computer virus that was programmed by a cat?
It's considered meowware!
Dear keyboard manufacturers, I'm writing to request a redesign so that g and t wouldn't be right next to each other. Retards
I told my boss, "Sorry I'm late. I was having computer issues."
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It's my laptop.
How did the computer hackers get away from the scene of crime?
They just ransomware.
This time last year I was working as a computer programmer, installing auto correct. But out of nowhere..
.. I was fried for no raisin.
I'm not like other keyboards...
I'm qwerty
I had no one to help me when my computer and phone mutinied
I was left to my own devices.
A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
How does a computer learn something new?
Bit by bit.
I just lost a key on my keyboard
Now its all out of control.
Apparently Dracula sets up a password for every website so he can click on Your Account.
The oldest computer was an apple given to Adam and Eve back in paradise lost, but it came with very limited memory of just 1 byte. And then everything crashed.
I visited a coffee shop where the Wifi password was wedonthavewifi.
It was a very frustrating conversation with the cashier.
I fell asleep on my phone the other day. It downloaded a nap.
Just can't get away from my broken keyboard. There's no escape.
Keep Your Friends Close, Your Utility Keys Closer.
Go to BabaMail
